“Start saving your pennies now. People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.” – Madonna
That was Madonna’s response when a reporter asked if she thought charging fans $300 a ticket in this economy was the right thing to do. And she’s 100% right.
I spend $300 on crazy things all the time! Last month, I frivolously spent that on car insurance. I had to rear-end a grandma just to make that worth something.
And who spends $300 on handbags? I refuse to buy a purse unless it costs me $700 and at least two different types of animals had to die in order to make it.
Spending $300 to see a concert is ridiculous. Paying $300 to see Madonna should get you committed to the loony bin. To show just how insane that is, here are 5 promotional items that are not only cheaper, but far more useful than a ticket to see the “Material Girl.”
This tool kit has everything I could possibly need to help me fix my TV. Apparently televisions shatter when you throw them out a window. But that was the only way I could ensure I didn’t have to suffer through Madonna lip-syncing at the god-awful Super Bowl halftime show. And you can get THREE of these promotional products for less than one ticket in the nosebleed section.
If you listen to Madonna’s Golden Globe acceptance speech, she’ll tell you the award was all her doing. Nobody else helped anywhere along the way. Now you can win an award without anyone else’s help too! In fact, I just did!
“I, Alex Brodsky, accept this International Success Award for Best Grilled Cheese Sandwich Maker, with the utmost humility. I learned how to make the sandwich by myself, and then I made it. I deserve this award.”
For less than the price of one ticket, you can get not one, not two, but TWELVE boxes of a dozen golf balls. For those of you completely reliant on a calculator to do math, that’s 144 golf balls!
That means I’d have enough to play a round of golf, lose my standard 15-20 balls in the water and still have enough left over to stand outside the United Center, chipping balls at Madonna’s tour bus in hopes that one will crash through a window, clock her in the head and knock her from the pedestal she has placed herself on.
It’s the hipster double-down! Radio and a fanny pack?! Talk about nostalgia. This will bring you back a couple decades, to the days when Madonna was actually somewhat relevant. Those days are long gone. Unfortunately, nobody has the heart to tell her that. Or more likely, somebody told her, snakes popped out of her head and she turned that person to stone.
Like this.
Finally…
This promotional item is slightly over Madonna’s ticket price when you buy the minimum, but is actually invaluable as it is 100% GUARANTEED Madonna repellent.
Port Authority Mesh Safety Vest
Nothing is more important than safety. These vests will make certain Madonna stays at a safe distance from you because it means you are what scares her the most: an average joe, blue collar worker. She wouldn’t be caught dead with you. The only way to be ignored faster by Madonna is to be the servant who brought her scrambled eggs for breakfast instead of her usual eye of newt.
So there we go. Five promotional items that are a far better value than watching Skeletor… err… Madonna prance around on a stage, mouthing along to songs from the 80s. So what are you going to do with your money? The choice is yours, and yours alone.
What do you think? And which of these promotional items would you rather have than Madonna tickets?
The views expressed in this blog are mine and don’t necessarily represent the views of Quality Logo Products, Inc.
Article by Alex Brodsky
Alex is a video specialist and blogger at Quality Logo Products, putting his media background and screenwriting training to good use. When he's not working, he enjoys tinkering with his fantasy sports lineups, engaging in cheeky shenanigans, and cuddling. He must also get all of his caffeine from pop as he can't stand coffee. You can also connect with Alex on Google+.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Hahahaha, great post Alex! I couldn’t believe Madonna said that, talk about conceited!! Wow. I would take any of our fun stress relievers over tickets to her show.
Seriously! There is WAY more fun to be had with squishy balls (yeah, I said it that way on purpose) than there is by seeing Madonna.
LMAO! Alex this post was AWESOME!! That basically sums up everything I have to say!
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. It all needed to be said.
$300 a ticket is outrageous — unless, of course, it’s Rush we’re talking about. That’s another story.
Hilarious post, man!
Well that’s just a given. Nothing can beat seeing them whale out to Tom Sawyer
This is quite possibly one of the BEST POST EVER! It was hilariously funny and I’m not going to lie I’m loving that fanny pack! Great Job Alex!
Wow! Best ever? Quite the compliment, thank you! I’m going to let it go to my head, and start charging people $100 to read my posts.
Coming from you, that’s quite the ringing Lin-dorsement
Thank you for choosing my favorite item we carry. The FANNY Pack! I love that so much, everyone should have one!
There are at least 2,500 different uses for that item. Minimum. Fanny packs for all!
Dang! For Less than $300 we could get radio fanny packs for the entire blog squad! Forget your hour and a half show, Madonna! I can cruise around with my fanny pack and get music for LIFE.
Fanny pack. All the way. Or – if you prefer – the more contemporary euphemism, “Hip pack.” Convenient, waist-level storage? And AM/FM reception? In one? What’s not to like?!? You’d be like a musical kangaroo.
PWNED! I especially like the Medusa comparison. What an evil wench. I have nothing else to add. Well done sir!
Thank you! I was very proud of that one too. I figured I’d link to it as well. I wasn’t sure how familiar most people are with Greek Mythology.
Hahahaha, great post as usual, Alex! I’ve got to add my voice to the praise for the fanny pack — I mean really, who wouldn’t want that?
It’s just the perfect item. I don’t know how it’s NOT on the Top 100.
Excellent, hilarious post, Alex!
A) I can’t even believe Madonna said that.
B) As a broke college student, I barely even have THIRTY dollars to buy groceries, let alone THREE HUNDRED dollars for concert tickets.
C) If I did have an extra $300 laying around for concert tickets, I would be buying tickets to see someone actually relevant. Or, considering most of my favorite bands play shows for less than $30, I could get tickets for myself and 9 of my friends!
In conclusion, this post rules.
Haha, thanks!
And I wholeheartedly concur, shows for under $30 are always the best. They’re usually in total dive bars and the bands just rock out!
Madonna is a terrible human being, she is just to full of herself. No concert ticket is worth $300, especially not hers. Great post Alex!
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