If you’re a living, breathing, human being, then you’re probably familiar with the concept of social networking. If you’re an active social networker, then you already know how physically and emotionally draining it can be. And if you’re a true social network enthusiast, then you probably feel less like a living person altogether and more like some strange creature of the night; one whose unquenchable thirst for human interaction simply cannot be satisfied.
There’s no escaping it: social networks have a way of making vampires out of even the most innocent web users. Seeing as how there’s no sense in attempting to overcome the affliction, your best course of action is to better understand the type of vampire you actually are. That way, you can at least take the first step in coming to terms with your identity as a nocturnal web denizen.
Want to find out which type of social network vampire you are? Well, which of the following networks do you spend the most time with?
If the majority of your nightly hours are spent on Facebook, then you, my friend, are the Nosferatu of social media. You’re an icon; a chieftain among vampires and social networkers alike. This is largely because your network of choice is the golden standard upon which all others are judged. Sure, most of your vampire brethren are using the same platform, but you can rest comfortably knowing that your user base knows no bounds. With 700,000,000 estimated unique visitors a month, Facebook’s legacy is ensured, as is the undying legacy of Nosferatu.
Twitter is a streamlined reiteration of the best that social networking has to offer. It’s both palatable and likeable for modern web users. It may not have been the first social network out there, but it’s a key player, and that’s putting it lightly. If you’re a Twitter user, you’re like Dracula himself – a force to be reckoned with. Though he was the second vampire to grace the world of film (Nosferatu was the first), Dracula’s success remains indisputable. Being the more marketable of the two vamps, he resonated with larger audiences. Twitter may be second to Facebook in the networking world, but it looks like it’ll be around long enough to catch up.
Created with professionalism and distinction in mind, LinkedIn is a true “southern gentleman” among networking destinations. If Bill Compton (the main vamp of the HBO series True Blood) spent more time online, he’d be spending it at LinkedIn. Discouraging the endless banter that typifies many other networks, LinkedIn is for those who want a more distinguished, no-nonsense type of social networking experience.
It’s the newest player on the social scene but it’s already hogging the headlines. Google+ is on the fast track to becoming a veritable internet sensation, generating a lot of buzz in the process. Of course, as promising as this network may be, it’s still in its earliest stages, and it’s got a long way to go before it reaches the top. Those using Google+ aren’t really vampires per se; they’re more like vampires in training, a la Count von Count (from Sesame Street). Early adopters of the platform are still trying to pinpoint its strengths and weaknesses, basically just learning as they go.
Few would argue that MySpace would be the network of choice for Edward Cullen (of Twilight), and if you’re a MySpace user, you’re probably proud of that. You’re likely under the impression that vampirism is about fashion trends, love triangles, and sparkling when exposed to direct sunlight. You know what? That’s okay! We were all young once. I suppose you’ll grow out of it eventually. Of course, if you’re above the age of 18 and still use MySpace, you deserve this comparison.
Networking with the best of the best means pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into your online interactions on an almost nightly basis, and there are now millions of people who feel compelled – as if by supernatural forces – to do so. There’s certainly no shame in being a savvy social networker, even though it may feel at times like your thirst for human connection is turning you into a digital bloodsucker. Again, knowing exactly which type of bloodsucker you are will go a long way in helping you come to terms with it.
So, which type of social network vampire are you?