6 Promo Items That Would Make Indiana Jones’s Life a Little Easier
This year marks the 30th anniversary of Indiana Jones, who first graced us with his presence in Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981. In my opinion, Indy is one of the greatest film characters ever—but even I can admit that he’s not perfect. Though his flaws are part of what makes him endearing, bringing just a few extra items on his travels would do wonders in reducing the stress in his life. Here are some of my suggestions for everybody’s favorite archaeologist adventurer:
First Aid Kit
“Since I’ve met you I’ve nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait.” – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Let’s face it: Indy gets beat up a lot. And when you’re running from the bad guys, there’s not much time to clean your wounds before heading into the next fight. With the aptly named Escape First Aid Kit, Indy can at least apply first aid cream and bandages to his cuts and scrapes and pop an ibuprofen or two to dull the pain. This kit is also small enough to store in his shoulder bag or a pocket.
“These aren’t just drawings, they’re directions. Get me a map!” – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
For a globetrotter and treasure hunter like Dr. Jones, a compass is invaluable. In fact, I’m surprised he doesn’t have one already. Whether he’s traipsing through the jungle, heading for a palace in India, following a map to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon, or searching for a friend in Peru, the sleek and simple Aluminum Compass will guide him to his destination.
“Give me your torch.” – Raiders of the Lost Ark
Torches are great, but sometimes it’s better to have a light source that won’t catch things on fire. Enter the Mega Stretchable Flashlight, a travel-sized light that Dr. Jones can carry in his bag or pocket. Even better, extending the flashlight transforms it into a lantern—perfect for when Indy needs to illuminate a dark corner of a catacomb or light up the inside of a tent after a long day of traveling. Toss a few spare batteries in his bag and Indy is good to go.
Collapsible Water Bottle
[shoes are smoking] “Water, water! Water! Water, water, water!” [sees flood crashing toward them] “Water … WATER!” – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Indy travels through a lot of hot locales: deserts, jungles, canyons, you name it. After all that sweating, Indy needs an easy way to rehydrate. With the Smushy Flexible Water Bottle, he can fill up when he finds a freshwater stream (or the Holy Grail) and fold it away for easy transport when it’s empty. The water bottle would also be handy if there’s a fire he needs to put out—like when the friction of stopping a runaway mine car with his feet made his shoes start smoking, or when his father accidentally lit the chairs they were both tied to on fire.
“You’re strangely dressed, for a knight.” – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
When you’re as active as Dr. Jones, there’s no doubt you’ll find yourself going through dozens of shirts given all the wear and tear they endure. With this Deluxe Travel Sewing Kit, Indy could administer a quick fix to any wardrobe malfunction that can’t wait for later and repair those pesky mystic-stone-shaped holes in his shoulder bag. This kit features a pair of scissors, too, which could double as a weapon if Indy gets in a pinch.
“Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?” – Raiders of the Lost Ark
Unfortunately, QLP doesn’t sell any pocket flamethrowers to ward off snakes, but something like the Multi-Purpose Lighter could produce a decent-sized flame and has a wand long enough to avoid creeping too close to those slithering reptiles Indy so loathes. But hey—we’ve already thrown a lot of stuff into his shoulder bag, so if there’s no room for one of these larger lighters, he might still have Elsa’s “lucky charm” cigarette lighter for emergencies. And if all else fails, he could always throw a mouse stress ball into the pit of snakes and hope they mistake it for dinner.
Which of these suggestions do you like the most? Can you think of other items Indy would need? Most importantly, what’s your favorite Indiana Jones movie?