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6 Promo Items That Would Make Indiana Jones’s Life a Little Easier

This year marks the 30th anniversary of Indiana Jones, who first graced us with his presence in Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981. In my opinion, Indy is one of the greatest film characters ever—but even I can admit that he’s not perfect. Though his flaws are part of what makes him endearing, bringing just a few extra items on his travels would do wonders in reducing the stress in his life. Here are some of my suggestions for everybody’s favorite archaeologist adventurer:

First Aid Kit

“Since I’ve met you I’ve nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait.” – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Escape First Aid KitLet’s face it: Indy gets beat up a lot. And when you’re running from the bad guys, there’s not much time to clean your wounds before heading into the next fight. With the aptly named Escape First Aid Kit, Indy can at least apply first aid cream and bandages to his cuts and scrapes and pop an ibuprofen or two to dull the pain. This kit is also small enough to store in his shoulder bag or a pocket.

Compass

“These aren’t just drawings, they’re directions. Get me a map!” – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Aluminum CompassFor a globetrotter and treasure hunter like Dr. Jones, a compass is invaluable. In fact, I’m surprised he doesn’t have one already. Whether he’s traipsing through the jungle, heading for a palace in India, following a map to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon, or searching for a friend in Peru, the sleek and simple Aluminum Compass will guide him to his destination.

Flashlight

“Give me your torch.” – Raiders of the Lost Ark

Mega Stretchable FlashlightTorches are great, but sometimes it’s better to have a light source that won’t catch things on fire. Enter the Mega Stretchable Flashlight, a travel-sized light that Dr. Jones can carry in his bag or pocket. Even better, extending the flashlight transforms it into a lantern—perfect for when Indy needs to illuminate a dark corner of a catacomb or light up the inside of a tent after a long day of traveling. Toss a few spare batteries in his bag and Indy is good to go.

Collapsible Water Bottle

[shoes are smoking] “Water, water! Water! Water, water, water!” [sees flood crashing toward them] “Water … WATER!” – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Smushy Flexible Water BottleIndy travels through a lot of hot locales: deserts, jungles, canyons, you name it. After all that sweating, Indy needs an easy way to rehydrate. With the Smushy Flexible Water Bottle, he can fill up when he finds a freshwater stream (or the Holy Grail) and fold it away for easy transport when it’s empty. The water bottle would also be handy if there’s a fire he needs to put out—like when the friction of stopping a runaway mine car with his feet made his shoes start smoking, or when his father accidentally lit the chairs they were both tied to on fire.

Sewing Kit

“You’re strangely dressed, for a knight.” – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Deluxe Travel Sewing KitWhen you’re as active as Dr. Jones, there’s no doubt you’ll find yourself going through dozens of shirts given all the wear and tear they endure. With this Deluxe Travel Sewing Kit, Indy could administer a quick fix to any wardrobe malfunction that can’t wait for later and repair those pesky mystic-stone-shaped holes in his shoulder bag. This kit features a pair of scissors, too, which could double as a weapon if Indy gets in a pinch.

Snake Deterrent

“Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?” – Raiders of the Lost Ark

Multi-Purpose LighterUnfortunately, QLP doesn’t sell any pocket flamethrowers to ward off snakes, but something like the Multi-Purpose Lighter could produce a decent-sized flame and has a wand long enough to avoid creeping too close to those slithering reptiles Indy so loathes. But hey—we’ve already thrown a lot of stuff into his shoulder bag, so if there’s no room for one of these larger lighters, he might still have Elsa’s “lucky charm” cigarette lighter for emergencies. And if all else fails, he could always throw a mouse stress ball into the pit of snakes and hope they mistake it for dinner.

Which of these suggestions do you like the most? Can you think of other items Indy would need? Most importantly, what’s your favorite Indiana Jones movie?

Main image by Gary Stewart Gary2880 (Own work) [CC-BY-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons.


Rachel Hamsmith

When not writing for the blog, Rachel is a data entry specialist at QLP. She spends most of her free time consuming a variety of geeky TV shows, movies, and books, as well as funny cat videos and other Internet oddities. Otherwise, she moonlights as an editor for a literary magazine and tries to spend as much quality time as she can with friends and family. You can also connect with Rachel on Google+.

Comments

  1. Joseph Giorgi

    Epic post, Rachel!

    I’d say that Indy would benefit from just about any one of these nifty products. But he’d probably get the most use out of that Multi-Purpose Lighter, as he seems to encounter more than his fair share of snakes in his travels.

    My favorite Indiana Jones movie? Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, for sure!

    JK — Raiders FTW!

    • Rachel

      Thanks, Joe! And Raiders FTW indeed! I was pretty obsessed with that one for a few months back in college … but I think Last Crusade still wins as my absolute favorite. But Raiders is definitely a very, very close second! :)

  2. Jill Tooley

    I can’t get enough of Indiana Jones! Even when I was a kid, those movies were in constant rotation on my VHS.

    Nice product picks — Indy could have used all of those in one movie or another! Especially the flashlight. Wet wipes are the only items I could think to add to your list; you know, for last-minute cleanups and such. Adventurers don’t always have time to wash their hands before eating or to wash their faces before meeting beautiful leading ladies! ;)

    By the way, every time I see microfiber pouches on our site, I think of the famous scene with the sand-filled bag. Classic!

    Now I want to go home and watch the movies…

    • Jill Tooley

      Oh, I forgot to include my favorite Indy movie! It’s a toss-up between Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade…although I’d probably lean toward the latter if I had to pick just one. :)

      • Rachel

        Great idea with the wet wipes! Those also might come in handy if Indy has to cover up his tracks, namely fingerprints, if he’s doing any breaking and entering. ;) And I can totally see why the microfiber pouches make you think of the sandbag scene in Raiders! Made me smile to see that. :)

        I grew up watching Last Crusade all the time, so that’s definitely my favorite, too. But Raiders is, of course, also great. Definitely a very close second.

        Thanks for commenting, Jill!

  3. Mandy Kilinskis

    I am honestly shocked that Indy doesn’t currently carry a compass. You think that would be a no brainer for a college professor/seasoned adventurer. Someone get him a sample, quick!

    Someone should give him a pocket protector. It might not be super cool, but it would at least slow down those guys trying to Kalima-out his heart. (P.S. No offense to the Hindu goddess Kali).

    And my favorite Indy movie is Last Crusade. I love Raiders, but man, the bickering between Henry Sr. & Jr.? Priceless!!

    • Rachel

      I know, right? Maybe he does carry one, but they never show him using it? Regardless, he should totally get a sample of one from us! And I’m loving the pocket protector idea, haha … never would have thought of that! He definitely could have used some chest protection in Temple of Doom. :)

      Hooray for all the Last Crusade love! I grew up watching that movie all the time, so it holds a special place in my heart. And I do love the father/son bickering in that one. :)

  4. Cybernetic SAM

    This post is awesome! I feel like I should buy all of these items and run around being Indiana Jones! Great post!

    • Rachel

      Thanks, Sam! Too bad we don’t sell fedoras so that you could REALLY get into the Indiana Jones spirit! ;)

  5. amy

    Awesome post, Rachel!! What a clever idea for a blog post, I love when we connect promotional products to a popular movie or TV show. I think my favorite one you included is the sewing kit. Who hasn’t been traveling and lost a button? Most frustrating thing ever!

    It’s been years since I’ve watched any of the Indy movies, so I should probably re-watch them before I say which one is my favorite ;) Great stuff!!

    • Rachel

      Thanks, Amy! So true about losing a button while traveling; the sewing kit is definitely useful for anyone, not just Indiana Jones. ;)

      Any excuse to rewatch the Indy movies is a good one! I was very tempted to have a marathon after writing this blog … maybe I’ll make time for that this weekend, hah!

  6. Eric

    If only we a made a promotional fridge for him to seek shelter from a a nuclear blast with. First Aid, though, gets my vote. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a trip or vacation and have had something stupid happen that required at least a Band-Aid and some Neosporin.

    Come to think of it, the mouse stress ball/snake diversion gets my vote for personal favorite. That’s using some smarts.

    Cool post, Rachel!

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