In USA Network’s White Collar, Neal Caffrey is a con man and thief who, caught by the FBI, now works for them by tracking down other white collar criminals. Neal follows a long line of charming, morally gray con artists from television and film, and though Neal technically works for the good guys now, he’s constantly tempted by (and occasionally gives in to) his not-so-former life of crime.
If you’ve ever seen White Collar, The Sting, Ocean’s Eleven, or any other caper film or show, you’ll know the importance of the con man’s various tools and gadgets. So, if you were Neal Caffrey, what items would be most essential to your glamorous life of thievery and deception?
Here are a few (tongue-in-cheek) suggestions:
If you’re going to break into a bank, museum, or rich guy’s mansion, you’ll have to carry all your lock-picking and safe-cracking tools somewhere. Enter the Advent Mono Pack, a backpack that slings over one shoulder and keeps your hands free for other activities. Be sure to go with the black version of the bag — you wouldn’t want to draw attention to yourself while scaling that security fence.
A backpack will hold your tools of the trade, but where to stuff those laundered bills and compromising documents? An attaché case is a sleek solution to all your thieving needs. Plus, a hard-sided briefcase can be useful in a fight if you’re in a pinch. And the handy interior organizer pockets mean you can use it as a regular briefcase on your off days.
A good pair of gloves is a must for any con artist, seeing as leaving fingerprints at a crime scene is a big no-no. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Once you’re done lifting that priceless seventeenth-century painting, you can reuse these snazzy gloves on the golf course. Granted, golf gloves don’t come in pairs, so you’ll have to acquire two of these — but that’s a small price to pay when it means you’ll be swimming in cash later.
Timing your escape? Waiting for the security guards’ shift change? Counting down the seconds until the power comes back on in that elevator shaft? Don’t underestimate the importance of a good wristwatch. This one includes an alarm and stopwatch capabilities, as well as a backlight so that you can see the seconds tick away even in the dark.
Another staple of any thief or con artist is the flashlight. With this combination LED light and pen, you can scribble down a passcode and then illuminate the shadowy keypad with the same pocketsize gadget. The best con men are masters of disguise, so why not disguise your gear, too?
Sometimes the con is all about wooing the mark. And if you’re anything like Neal Caffrey, that often means opening a bottle of wine and schmoozing with the beautiful lady who knows the security codes. So always carry a corkscrew with you in case of such events, or if the occasion calls for celebrating a heist well done.
Whether walking away from a robbery in style or enjoying a cocktail on that island beach you bought with your millions, every con artist needs a cool pair of shades. These Aviator Sunglasses will give you that classic look while still protecting those guilty eyes of yours from the sunlight.
NOTE: Quality Logo Products does not actually endorse using its products for any illegal activities. All suggestions in this article are made for humorous purposes only.
Caffrey and his ilk may be crafty criminals in their own right, but their gear is just as important as their skills. Which of these items seems most vital during a heist? Are there any other promotional products Neal Caffrey could use? What’s your favorite caper film or TV show?