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7 Promo Items Fit For a ‘White Collar’ Con Artist

In USA Network’s White Collar, Neal Caffrey is a con man and thief who, caught by the FBI, now works for them by tracking down other white collar criminals. Neal follows a long line of charming, morally gray con artists from television and film, and though Neal technically works for the good guys now, he’s constantly tempted by (and occasionally gives in to) his not-so-former life of crime.

If you’ve ever seen White Collar, The Sting, Ocean’s Eleven, or any other caper film or show, you’ll know the importance of the con man’s various tools and gadgets. So, if you were Neal Caffrey, what items would be most essential to your glamorous life of thievery and deception?

Here are a few (tongue-in-cheek) suggestions:

Advent Mono Pack

Advent Mono PackIf you’re going to break into a bank, museum, or rich guy’s mansion, you’ll have to carry all your lock-picking and safe-cracking tools somewhere. Enter the Advent Mono Pack, a backpack that slings over one shoulder and keeps your hands free for other activities. Be sure to go with the black version of the bag — you wouldn’t want to draw attention to yourself while scaling that security fence.

Hardsided Briefcase

Hardsided BriefcaseA backpack will hold your tools of the trade, but where to stuff those laundered bills and compromising documents? An attaché case is a sleek solution to all your thieving needs. Plus, a hard-sided briefcase can be useful in a fight if you’re in a pinch. And the handy interior organizer pockets mean you can use it as a regular briefcase on your off days.

Prostaff TI Golf Glove

Prostaff Golf GloveA good pair of gloves is a must for any con artist, seeing as leaving fingerprints at a crime scene is a big no-no. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Once you’re done lifting that priceless seventeenth-century painting, you can reuse these snazzy gloves on the golf course. Granted, golf gloves don’t come in pairs, so you’ll have to acquire two of these — but that’s a small price to pay when it means you’ll be swimming in cash later.

Pro-Sport Stopwatch

Pro Sport StopwatchTiming your escape? Waiting for the security guards’ shift change? Counting down the seconds until the power comes back on in that elevator shaft? Don’t underestimate the importance of a good wristwatch. This one includes an alarm and stopwatch capabilities, as well as a backlight so that you can see the seconds tick away even in the dark.

Starlight LED Pen

Starlight PensAnother staple of any thief or con artist is the flashlight. With this combination LED light and pen, you can scribble down a passcode and then illuminate the shadowy keypad with the same pocketsize gadget. The best con men are masters of disguise, so why not disguise your gear, too?

Tuscany Wine Opener

Tuscany Wine OpenerSometimes the con is all about wooing the mark. And if you’re anything like Neal Caffrey, that often means opening a bottle of wine and schmoozing with the beautiful lady who knows the security codes. So always carry a corkscrew with you in case of such events, or if the occasion calls for celebrating a heist well done.

Aviator Sunglasses

Aviator SunglassesWhether walking away from a robbery in style or enjoying a cocktail on that island beach you bought with your millions, every con artist needs a cool pair of shades. These Aviator Sunglasses will give you that classic look while still protecting those guilty eyes of yours from the sunlight.

NOTE: Quality Logo Products does not actually endorse using its products for any illegal activities. All suggestions in this article are made for humorous purposes only.

Caffrey and his ilk may be crafty criminals in their own right, but their gear is just as important as their skills. Which of these items seems most vital during a heist? Are there any other promotional products Neal Caffrey could use? What’s your favorite caper film or TV show?

 Image credit to Clipart.com and Quality Logo Products.


Rachel Hamsmith

When not writing for the blog, Rachel is a data entry specialist at QLP. She spends most of her free time consuming a variety of geeky TV shows, movies, and books, as well as funny cat videos and other Internet oddities. Otherwise, she moonlights as an editor for a literary magazine and tries to spend as much quality time as she can with friends and family. You can also connect with Rachel on Google+.

Comments

  1. Jill Tooley

    This show seems like a good one. Heists are always entertaining! Plus, after looking at the website you linked to, I’m pretty sure I’ve already developed a small crush on Matt Bomer…those eyes…

    You’ve picked some cool promo items! I didn’t know that hardsided briefcase existed, but I’d totally carry that around at nerd conventions with all of my important crap in it. And wouldn’t I look important with a pair of those aviators? I think so. Who knew that you could get aviators with logos on them? That’s crazy awesome. ;)

    Nice job on this, Rachel!

    • Rachel

      It’s a fun, breezy summer show — made all the better by Matt Bomer’s beautiful eyes (and face, and body…)! And they always put him in stylish suits and fedoras. Wonderful eye candy, definitely … and of course, the show itself is good, too. :)

      It’s a fun briefcase! The hard-sided ones always make me think of spy movies and the like … it would be quite useful at nerd conventions, yes, haha! And I agree, I love that we carry aviator sunglasses. Too fun!

      Thanks, Jill, glad you enjoyed. :)

  2. Mandy Kilinskis

    Bah. I wish that I had the time to watch this show. Maybe the next round of TV show catch up.

    Regardless, excellent products, Rachel! I love that hardsided briefcase. I’d also recommend tucking an imprinted cap inside that briefcase or the backpack. You never know when you’re going to need to make a quick costume change!

    • Rachel

      I don’t think I’ve actually watched the first season in full. In my opinion, it’s an easy show to watch casually, so even if you’re not up to speed on the overarching story, you’ll probably enjoy the show and its characters regardless. :)

      Excellent idea with the imprinted cap! You’re right, you never know when you’ll need to make a quick getaway and change up your look to fool the authorities who are chasing you… ;)

  3. Jenna Markowski

    I’ve never seen White Collar before, but from what you described it seems like a show worth checking out! I didn’t even know we carried a lot of the items you chose, so great job picking out some of our stealthier (and therefore more badass) products! I think that hardsided brief case was made for someone like Neal Caffrey. It looks like it’s straight out of Men in Black!

    Fun post, Rachel! :)

    • Rachel

      Thanks, Jenna! Glad you like some of the “stealthier” products here. :) And you’re right, the hard-sided briefcase totally looks like a Men In Black item! It works for spies, thieves, and shady government officials alike. ;)

  4. Eric

    Hilarious caveat, Rachel. Aviator sunglasses? A must. The hard-sided briefcase, too, is highly under-rated. Very professional look that spares a person from looking like a bike messenger (TimBuk2 bags, anyone?) and moreover, is highly practical. I think this marks yet another show I wish I’d the time for! :) Nice post!

    • Rachel

      If anything, I think you’d appreciate Neal Caffrey’s wardrobe choices; he goes for the very dapper, suits-and-fedora look a lot. :) And Aviator sunglasses are totally a must! What’s the point of being a con artist if you can’t look stylish while you steal those millions? ;)

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