In the city of Manhattan, there’s nothing sexier than a member of the New York Yankees. Except maybe a member of the Yankees who’s a stud in his own right, like shortstop Derek Jeter.
Aside from an inexplicable relationship with Mariah Carey and his recent tryst with Hollywood starlet Minka Kelly, Jeter has stayed out of the public eye when it comes to his romantic conquests. He never married (unlike Tiger Woods) so nobody hassles him for being a swingin’ bachelor… Until now.
We have learned why no women complain about Jeter loving and leaving them. It’s because he gives something back. When a lady spends the night, Jeter sends them home in their very own limo the next day. And sitting in the car: their own personal gift basket! It contains little items and Derek Jeter memorabilia. No woman is going to file a paternity suit when she gets a Derek Jeter autographed baseball! Those are as good as gold in New York City!
The story broke when a woman who had already received a baseball, spent the night a second time and only got a second baseball. It’s time for him to update his gift basket. Jeter has to prepare for the upcoming season, so we here at QLP would like to assist him in thinking of a few good items that will help him avoid another embarrassing mishap:
Nothing will help her wake up in the morning and start the next day fresh like a hot cup o’ joe. The heavenly aroma of the fresh coffee as she relaxes in the back of a limo will make her feel like the princess he told her she was.
Autographed baseballs are great, but they’re not incredibly practical. It’s not like you can play a game with them (if you’ve seen “The Sandlot” then you know why. If you haven’t, then shame on you). They just sit on a shelf, taking up space. A custom baseball stress ball gives her something to squeeze while she anxiously waits for the phone call that will never come.
Hydration is extremely important after a night of… Twister… or Charades… or whatever Derek Jeter does with the ladies on his night off. Including this bottle is an easy way to remind her to drink more water and replenish her body. She’ll think he’s even sweeter if he chooses from the array of colors to match her beautiful eyes (Warning: this does require eye contact with the girl). Plus, the bottle is recyclable, and we all know Derek Jeter is as “green” as they come.
This calendar is a great reminder for the ladies that there are other hunky fish out in the great sea of New York City. From Brooklyn to The Bronx, models abound in one of the world’s top fashion cities. Month after month of six-pack abs will help her to move on and find the next sugar daddy to take her on a special night out.
This is in no way implying that Derek Jeter is abusive towards his women. By all accounts, he is the perfect gentleman. I’m sure he holds the door, and pulls out chairs for these women. What this does contain is two pain reliever pills. These will help cure the hangover from the alcohol that led to the decision of going home with Derek Jeter when Nick Swisher is far and away the coolest Yankee!
So there we have it.
His gift basket is complete. It contains practical items that any girl (baseball fan or not) will appreciate, making her night with Derek Jeter a night she will never forget. If there’s one word to describe Derek Jeter with this gift basket, it’s classy.
What do you think of Derek Jeter’s “parting gifts”? Do you agree with these promo item choices, or would you add more to the mix?