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Derek Jeter Gift Baskets: 5 Cool Promo Items Missing from the Contents

In the city of Manhattan, there’s nothing sexier than a member of the New York Yankees. Except maybe a member of the Yankees who’s a stud in his own right, like shortstop Derek Jeter.

Aside from an inexplicable relationship with Mariah Carey and his recent tryst with Hollywood starlet Minka Kelly, Jeter has stayed out of the public eye when it comes to his romantic conquests. He never married (unlike Tiger Woods) so nobody hassles him for being a swingin’ bachelor… Until now.

We have learned why no women complain about Jeter loving and leaving them. It’s because he gives something back. When a lady spends the night, Jeter sends them home in their very own limo the next day. And sitting in the car: their own personal gift basket! It contains little items and Derek Jeter memorabilia. No woman is going to file a paternity suit when she gets a Derek Jeter autographed baseball! Those are as good as gold in New York City!

The story broke when a woman who had already received a baseball, spent the night a second time and only got a second baseball. It’s time for him to update his gift basket. Jeter has to prepare for the upcoming season, so we here at QLP would like to assist him in thinking of a few good items that will help him avoid another embarrassing mishap:

A Stainless Deal Tumbler:

Nothing will help her wake up in the morning and start the next day fresh like a hot cup o’ joe. The heavenly aroma of the fresh coffee as she relaxes in the back of a limo will make her feel like the princess he told her she was.

An Autographed Custom Baseball Stress Reliever:

Autographed baseballs are great, but they’re not incredibly practical. It’s not like you can play a game with them (if you’ve seen “The Sandlot” then you know why. If you haven’t, then shame on you). They just sit on a shelf, taking up space. A custom baseball stress ball gives her something to squeeze while she anxiously waits for the phone call that will never come.

An Eco-Friendly Sports Bottle:

Hydration is extremely important after a night of… Twister… or Charades… or whatever Derek Jeter does with the ladies on his night off. Including this bottle is an easy way to remind her to drink more water and replenish her body. She’ll think he’s even sweeter if he chooses from the array of colors to match her beautiful eyes (Warning: this does require eye contact with the girl). Plus, the bottle is recyclable, and we all know Derek Jeter is as “green” as they come.

A Men Executive Calendar:

This calendar is a great reminder for the ladies that there are other hunky fish out in the great sea of New York City. From Brooklyn to The Bronx, models abound in one of the world’s top fashion cities. Month after month of six-pack abs will help her to move on and find the next sugar daddy to take her on a special night out.

A Carter First-Aid Tote:

This is in no way implying that Derek Jeter is abusive towards his women. By all accounts, he is the perfect gentleman. I’m sure he holds the door, and pulls out chairs for these women. What this does contain is two pain reliever pills. These will help cure the hangover from the alcohol that led to the decision of going home with Derek Jeter when Nick Swisher is far and away the coolest Yankee!

So there we have it.

His gift basket is complete. It contains practical items that any girl (baseball fan or not) will appreciate, making her night with Derek Jeter a night she will never forget. If there’s one word to describe Derek Jeter with this gift basket, it’s classy.

What do you think of Derek Jeter’s “parting gifts”? Do you agree with these promo item choices, or would you add more to the mix?

Image credit to nick step.


Alex Brodsky

Alex is a video specialist and blogger at Quality Logo Products, putting his media background and screenwriting training to good use. When he's not working, he enjoys tinkering with his fantasy sports lineups, engaging in cheeky shenanigans, and cuddling. He must also get all of his caffeine from pop as he can't stand coffee. You can also connect with Alex on Google+.

Comments

  1. Amy Swanson

    Great post, Alex! This seriously made me laugh out loud!! I think my favorite from the list was the eco-friendly sports bottle. Because you know how crazy and insane Twister or Charades can get ;)

    As for additional items to add, I think a nice t-shirt that says something like, “I spent the night with Derek Jeter and all I got was this t-shirt”, which actually would be true. Or maybe it could say something in code so that only the other women he’s had over would know what the shirt meant. Oh man, this was an amazing post, Alex!!

    • Alex Brodsky

      Thanks! The T-Shirt idea would be awesome! I think the “Spent the Night” t-shirt would sell in New York right now. You should copyright that and get going on selling it.

  2. Barb Miller

    Loved this! Laughed out loud, great tongue-in-cheek!

  3. Rachel

    Haha, this is great! Just the idea of Derek Jeter giving parting gifts to his lady friends is hilarious … I love the promos you’ve picked out, too. Somebody needs to send this post to Jeter so he can take notes! ;)

    • Alex Brodsky

      Haha, I’ve got DJ on my speed dial, so I’ll shoot it right over (me and him are so tight, I’m even allowed to call him DJ). But Nick Swisher is REALLY the Yankee I want reading this. I think me and him could hang out.

    • Amanda

      Agreed! So hilarious! I can just picture him saying, “Thank you, come again!”. =)

  4. Scooby

    Whether or not this is true, it’s pretty hilarious! Who would have thought promo items could be used as hush gifts. Apparently Kobe was not informed. He could have saved BIG bucks @ qlp!

    PS; What happened to the sanitation kit?

    • Alex Brodsky

      I didn’t feel the sanitation kit necessary since Jeter is basically the only athlete who has never been with a Kardashian

  5. Mandy Kilinskis

    I think that he should take advantage of our low price hoodies and customize those. Then he’d say on all of those shirts that girls probably insist on wearing home. And like the t-shirts, he could print a catchy slogan or logo. ;)

    • Alex Brodsky

      Pretty much any clothing helps hide the “walk of shame” the girl will take from her limo into her apartment. The hoodies plus the t-shirts, we might be on our way to Jeter’s own personal line of ladies nightwear (I smell another blog)

  6. Jenna Markowski

    This is such a hilarious/creative post, Alex! I’m sure any girl would be happy to receive any of those items, and with such a wide variety of items Jeter is sure to avoid any repeats! I love Amy’s idea of the “Spent the night” T-shirt — I think anyone selling those shirts would make a killing in New York right now.

    Another good idea for Jeter might be sunglasses like these: http://www.qualitylogoproducts.com/tradeshow-promotions/neon-rubber-sunglasses.htm, so the girls can cover up those bloodshot eyes and last night’s smeared makeup, haha.

    • Alex Brodsky

      Those glasses are AWESOME! And actually stylish for any of the hipster girls he picks up in Brooklyn

  7. Jen

    Alex, OMGZZZZ this is a hilarious post. Derek Jeter is such a clever guy, everyone loves to get gift baskets!

    The promo items you picked out were great. I would also suggest a nice box of candy to comfort her when she realizes he won’t be calling her again. He could have “You were special to me” imprinted on each chocolate to make her feel better.

    Creative blog, you had me cracking up! :)

    • Alex Brodsky

      The chocolate would be good, but I think he’s already developing his own Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavor for that: “Hit & Run Crunch”

  8. Joseph Giorgi

    “Hydration is extremely important after a night of… Twister… or Charades… or whatever Derek Jeter does with the ladies on his night off.”

    I’m sure that’s exactly what Jeter is up to. ;) Hilarious post, Alex!

    • Alex Brodsky

      He seems like a pretty down to Earth guy. I’m sure he loves Game Night just as much as us normal folk do.

  9. Eric

    This one had me cracking up.

    Good piece of writing, Alex!

    Bonus points for the nod to Nick Swisher.

    • Alex Brodsky

      I loved “Dirty 30″ when he was on the Sox! I can’t believe they traded him away for the equivalent of a bag of baseballs.

      • Eric

        Easily one of the biggest WTF?!?! moments in Sox history for me. I was at a game near the end of his final season with the Sox (against the Indians, I want to say) where the guy practically saved the entire game by himself, and still…they’d to go and sell him off like that. RANT RANT RANT.

  10. Candice J.

    So glad to see my suggestion made the list! I love the post and I def. second Amy’s idea for the Jeter T-Shirt. Someone should snag that up because it can be a hot selling item for New Yorkers!

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