There was only one good thing to come out of the movie Click: Kate Beckinsale. I immediately fell in love with her when I saw Serendipity (I watched that for John Cusack, I swear!). Click simply solidified her spot as a strong #3 on my Top 5 Hot Actress List (I’m shallow enough to have one of those, big shocker there…).
The Japanese are surpassing America when it comes to technological advances. But why? It has nothing to do with the fact that their education system is better and their standards for youth are higher. A possible reason is that they don’t have to deal with their women nagging them to make the bed or do the dishes since some of them have chosen to fall in love and marry pillows (I get it, pillows only get skinnier with age — kidding). But this superiority has led to THE GREATEST ADVERTISING ADVANCEMENT OF ALL TIME!
I know what you’re asking yourself: “Alex, these two things are wholly unrelated. Where is this going?”
To you I say, “Stop interrupting. I’m getting there… Gosh…”
I bring these up because a Japanese perv is one step closer to making my life long goal of 6 years an actual possibility: someday, I’ll be able to KISS KATE BECKINSALE!
Not for real, unfortunately. She got impatient waiting around for me, and now she’s got a husband or something. I do have moral standards. They’re very low, but I’m not a home wrecker.
But due to the awesomeness of technology, I can get the next greatest thing:
Guys are suckers. We’ll do anything to get some action. If a billboard version of a model will kiss us, CERTAINLY the real model would do the same! Especially if we buy the product.
I can picture it now! I’m walking down a Chicago city street when I come upon a bus station billboard. On it, my dream woman, Kate Beckinsale. Our eyes meet. Well, my eyes and her motion capture eyes. I move in, the poster’s camera notices, she does the same. We stop…
Lips quivering, a dramatic beat in the moment before the kiss makes our hearts pound. The lilac aroma wafting from her hair overshadows the odor of the bum sleeping on the bench next to me.
Finally, as if a gift from the Heavens, our lips touch. It’s magical. I almost forget that now I have to go home and explain to my girlfriend I didn’t cheat on her, but that I got mono from a billboard.
Kate giggles, I smile. And then we part ways, forever sharing that one perfect moment together.
Did I notice what the ad was selling? Not one bit.
Will everyone around me think I’m a weirdo? Certainly.
Is Jennifer Lopez going to be the model for the prototype, since she’ll put herself on ANYTHING for money? Beyond a shadow of a doubt, yes.
Is this the future of marketing? I hope so. It’s the only way I’ll ever get near Kate Beckinsale. A London judge’s recent restraining order is very specific about this.
And THAT is why this is the greatest advertising advancement of all time.
What do you think of these billboards? Would you kiss something that a million pervs had already kissed in a public place?