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Kiss Me, Kate Beckinsale: The Greatest Advertising Advancement of All Time

There was only one good thing to come out of the movie Click: Kate Beckinsale. I immediately fell in love with her when I saw Serendipity (I watched that for John Cusack, I swear!). Click simply solidified her spot as a strong #3 on my Top 5 Hot Actress List (I’m shallow enough to have one of those, big shocker there…).

The Japanese are surpassing America when it comes to technological advances. But why? It has nothing to do with the fact that their education system is better and their standards for youth are higher. A possible reason is that they don’t have to deal with their women nagging them to make the bed or do the dishes since some of them have chosen to fall in love and marry pillows (I get it, pillows only get skinnier with age — kidding). But this superiority has led to THE GREATEST ADVERTISING ADVANCEMENT OF ALL TIME!

I know what you’re asking yourself: “Alex, these two things are wholly unrelated. Where is this going?”

To you I say, “Stop interrupting. I’m getting there… Gosh…”

I bring these up because a Japanese perv is one step closer to making my life long goal of 6 years an actual possibility: someday, I’ll be able to KISS KATE BECKINSALE!

Not for real, unfortunately. She got impatient waiting around for me, and now she’s got a husband or something. I do have moral standards. They’re very low, but I’m not a home wrecker.

But due to the awesomeness of technology, I can get the next greatest thing:

Guys are suckers. We’ll do anything to get some action. If a billboard version of a model will kiss us, CERTAINLY the real model would do the same! Especially if we buy the product.

I can picture it now! I’m walking down a Chicago city street when I come upon a bus station billboard. On it, my dream woman, Kate Beckinsale. Our eyes meet. Well, my eyes and her motion capture eyes. I move in, the poster’s camera notices, she does the same. We stop…

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale

Lips quivering, a dramatic beat in the moment before the kiss makes our hearts pound. The lilac aroma wafting from her hair overshadows the odor of the bum sleeping on the bench next to me.

Finally, as if a gift from the Heavens, our lips touch. It’s magical. I almost forget that now I have to go home and explain to my girlfriend I didn’t cheat on her, but that I got mono from a billboard.

Kate giggles, I smile. And then we part ways, forever sharing that one perfect moment together.

Did I notice what the ad was selling? Not one bit.

Will everyone around me think I’m a weirdo? Certainly.

Is Jennifer Lopez going to be the model for the prototype, since she’ll put herself on ANYTHING for money? Beyond a shadow of a doubt, yes.

Is this the future of marketing? I hope so. It’s the only way I’ll ever get near Kate Beckinsale. A London judge’s recent restraining order is very specific about this.

And THAT is why this is the greatest advertising advancement of all time.

What do you think of these billboards? Would you kiss something that a million pervs had already kissed in a public place?

Image credit to jingdianmeinv and Ryan Coleman.


Alex Brodsky

Alex is a video specialist and blogger at Quality Logo Products, putting his media background and screenwriting training to good use. When he's not working, he enjoys tinkering with his fantasy sports lineups, engaging in cheeky shenanigans, and cuddling. He must also get all of his caffeine from pop as he can't stand coffee. You can also connect with Alex on Google+.

Comments

  1. Jeff Porretto

    You had me at “Kate Beckinsale.”

    Now I just need to read the rest of the post…

    • Jeff Porretto

      Hey! The rest of the post is good too! Except I think #3 is too low…

      • Alex Brodsky

        It’s a tough call. Olivia Wilde and Elisha Cuthbert have her beat right now. But it’s kind of one of those “What have you done for me lately” type things. Olivia Wilde has been in a bunch, and Elisha is back to “Girl Next Door” form in “Happy Endings”.

        Plus she loses points for that whole “marriage” thing.

  2. Jill Tooley

    You put on a phenomenal show, Mr. Brodsky…but I know you’re a big softie deep down! ;)

    • Alex Brodsky

      Why thank you. But softie, eh? Only me and my momma know the truth on that one…

  3. Jaimie Smith

    Alex this post awesome!!
    Kate Beckinsale is number 3…who is the rest on your top 5 hot actress list?
    I KNOW that J-Lo and Kim Kardashian are 1 and 2!! :)

    And as interesting as this whole thing is, it does kind of creep me out. If they had one of Chad Michael Murray or Leo DeCaprio, it would be hard to turn that down, though.

    • Alex Brodsky

      1) Olivia Wilde
      2) Elisha Cuthbert
      3) Kate Beckinsale
      4) Sophia Bush
      5) Isla Fisher

      (All are subject to change on a moment’s notice)

      Leo would be a sexy billboard too.

  4. Mandy Kilinskis

    I’m happy for you, Alex! It’s takes a very dedicated man to take on herpes of the mouth to kiss #3 on his hot celebrity list. I can’t say I’d do the same, though. I’m not that interested in catching mono.

    • Alex Brodsky

      It’s well worth it to have a Facebook profile pic of me and Kate Beckinsale kissing.

  5. Cybernetic SAM

    I am with Mandy on this one, this just seems like this is how the plague will re-activate and kill off humanity all because you men want to get your rocks off for just a moment to kiss a screen. It just seems a little icky. Also what is it with you guys and Kate!?!?

    • Alex Brodsky

      So add “population control” to the LONG list of benefits of this magnificent creation!

      And as far as Kate goes, it’s the accent.

  6. Jen

    Alex, this is terrifying on many levels. I would enjoy looking at a poster/billboard of David Beckam or Gerard Butler, I might even stare at it dreamy eyed. But I would NEVER kiss it! Creepy!

    This is a really funny post though, it really got me through my last hour!

    • Alex Brodsky

      I’m glad I could help!

      Also, I’m a realist. Don’t say you won’t do anything until you’ve seen that picture of a topless Gerard Butler staring at you, tempting you to come in for a peck, and knowing that nobody else is around to see it. Maybe then you won’t be so quick to say no.

      Or you will, and that’s understandable too.

  7. Eric

    You probably could create an entire blog solely dedicated to “Weird #$%^ the Japanese Thought-Up.” This certainly constitutes.

    Apart from that, I’ve got no words when it comes to this one.

    Number Thirteen being your #1, on the other hand? I’ll approve.

    • Alex Brodsky

      I’m not proud of it, but I’ve been a fan of 13 (it’s an Olivia Wilde “House” reference for those reading this who are lost) since her short stint on… (insert ashamed sigh) The O.C.

      Caaaaaaaaaallli-foooooooorrrrrnnnnnniiiaaaaaa!

  8. Amy Swanson

    To answer your question, “Would you kiss something that a million pervs had already kissed in a public place?” No. John Krasinski could be standing there (and by “there” of course I mean a television screen billboard because that’s not weird) shirtless and I wouldn’t give the idea a second thought. Eww, it just makes me shudder thinking about it.

    Pretty sure if I ever saw a guy friend performing a little tongue hockey with this type of billboard I would give him nothing but crap about it hahaha So weird!!

    • Alex Brodsky

      What if the REAL John Krasinski was working a kissing booth? A bunch of other pervs have kissed him, would you still pay your dollar and take your turn?

      There’s basically no difference.

      • Amy Swanson

        It “seems” like there’s a difference though, something much less gross about kissing an actual person than a TV screen. But to answer your question, yes I would still pay to kiss him if it were the REAL John Krasinski ;)

  9. Candice J.

    This is just plain creepy. In text form I found it to just be really weird. Then I watched the video and have no moved it up to creepy. I wouldn’t kiss someone at a kissing booth and I damn sure am not going to walk up to a screen and kiss it because the persons attractive. In that case why not just walk up to these actual people and kiss them?!? Why not? Well one you’d probably get arrested or deeply hurt but two, because its just plain CREEPY! What will people think of next? I have to say I’m a little afraid.

  10. Amie Wiley

    That doesn’t even sound good. Boy, you don’t like J Lo.

    • Alex Brodsky

      You are correct. I sincerely dislike J Lo. with a passion the like of which most people will never know.

      If you need some summer reading, I’m sure I could write up a 10-page essay explaining my stance on the self-proclaimed “Pop Icon” :-)

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