Ever wonder what it’d be like if you could use keyboard commands in real life? I’m putting millions of minds at ease by creating a guide for the most useful keyboard commands to use in your everyday life. Enough mouse-ing around with the pesky problems and issues of life…just keyboard command all your problems away! But, of course, you’re going to need a wireless keyboard for this to work wherever you go.
CTRL A + CTRL X (SELECT ALL + CUT)
Everyone has that moment — at work or at home — when they wish they could take all the work that needs to be done and just get rid of it. Well, now all you’ve got to do is CTRL A +CTRL X it all away! Take those reports and memos and just cut them all out. Gather those dishes, laundry, and never-ending piles of children’s toys and keyboard command them away. Hell, even in long, drawn-out arguments with friends, family, or significant others (when you know you’re right, like always) select all that “mess” they’re saying and cut it out! Conversation over! Never has winning an argument been so simple.
ALT + 0153 (™)
Have you ever come up with a word of phrase that was just so catchy you couldn’t resist using it? And by the same time tomorrow, it seems like your family is using it. Next thing you know, it seems like your whole school or workplace has caught on to it. You probably should have trademarked it! Who knows, you might be a millionaire by now if you had. Emeril Lagasse has “BAM!,” Donald Trump has “You’re Fired!,” Beyoncé has “Bootylicious,” and even Paris Hilton has “That’s Hot.” What do you have?
CTRL C (COPY)
Ever meet someone in life that you wish you could duplicate? Well you’re in luck, because now all you have to do is copy them with this keyboard shortcut for real life! This method is oh-so-easy and much less messy than cloning. I’ve just made a medical/scientific breakthrough and all it took was some imagination. When you just don’t have enough hands (or money, for that matter) and need to be in two places at once, just copy and paste yourself! Now you can do everything on your list and be everywhere you need to be at the same time. (Side note: Children will NOT like this! No more getting away with anything! I wonder what type of world that would be…)
CTRL S (SAVE)
1 in 3 people suffer from some form of memory loss. So, look to your left and then look to your right; one of you is going to completely forget this by tomorrow. Okay, okay, enough playing around. But seriously, we all have things, names, or ideas that we mean to remember but somehow manages to let slip from our minds. Thankfully, I’ve devised a plan for us all! Now, every time you encounter something that you know might have some sort of importance later, just CTRL + S it! Save it to your memory so you never have to experience an awkward moment again. (Example: You’re new at a job at you’ve met everyone a week ago. Someone comes up to you to say hi and just see how you’re doing so far. They greet you by name, but of course their name is not coming to you at all. Now you have to use the good ol’ trick of asking them how they pronounce their name. Only to have them reply “Tom.” AWKWARD!) I’m not saying this has ever happened to me, but if it did it might be a little uncomfortable.
CTRL + ALT + I (RESIZE IN PHOTOSHOP)
This keyboard shortcut goes out to all the women out there…and some of the men, too! Everyone has that problem area on their body, whether it’s too big, too small, too high, too low, and any others you can think of. Screw dieting and exercising! What, do we look like young energetic adults with tons of spare time? Well, that’s not the point! Face it, nobody wants to go through the grueling process of dieting and exercising to lose 10 pounds here, move that up 2 inches, drop 5 sizes there. By the time you’re done, you’ve done more math and relocation than you have actually lost anything. Also, with the economy being what it is, no middle-class American can afford surgery. Even the rich and famous have to cut back on their expenses from time to time, and you know what that means: a possibility of cutting out Botox! Faces are unfreezing everywhere and boy, they are not happy about it (and we can finally tell)! Not to fret, though, because with this keyboard command you can have the body you want in no time. All you have to do is select the area you’d like to alter, and then resize away until your heart’s content. Women and men, you can have the body like Beyoncé, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, or Matthew McConaughey in no time. Bet you never thought it’d be this easy!
Well children, that is my guide for the most useful keyboard commands you could use in everyday life. I hope I’ve reached millions, touched some, and scared none (hopefully). Maybe, just maybe, I’ve made your life a little easier. But if nothing else, I’ve expanded your imagination…and that has to count for something!
If you could have any keyboard shortcuts for real life, which would you choose? Would you use any of these if they existed in a place other than your mind?