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Shark Attack Promo Items: 5 Tools to Save Your Skin (and Sharpen Your Image)

Discovery Channel’s Shark Week is wrapping up. For a solid week Discovery has offered all things shark: trivia, true stories of shark attacks, documentaries, and all-around awesomeness. What could be better than that?

Sharks are nature’s killing machines. Your brand can be a killing machine, too (killing the competition, of course!), with promotional products. In honor of the greatest week of the year, I have compiled a list of 5 promotional products that could help you before, during, or after a shark encounter.

  1. Seal Stress Reliever:  Many sharks prey on seals. You can use this adorable seal-shaped squeezie as a decoy if a shark is approaching. Just try not to make too many drastic movements in the process – the shark will be more attracted to you than your decoy.
  2. Sunscreen:  Sharks are attracted to contrasting colors. So, the contrasting colors in an uneven tan will draw attention to you. You can avoid an uneven tan by applying sunscreen. Yep, the sharks are judging you.
  3. Band-Aids:  You don’t want to get in the water if you’re bleeding. Once a shark gets one whiff of blood, it’s curtains. So if you scrape your foot on a sharp shell while playing in the sand, cover it up with an adhesive bandage before you hit the surf!
  4. Goggles: It would be immensely helpful if you could see the shark before it starts making its way over for lunch. Luckily, goggles can help you do just that! The goggles pictured below are children’s goggles, but we also have goggles available for adults.
  5. First-aid Kit: If you or someone you know gets attacked, you’re going to need more than just a Band-Aid. In fact, you’ll probably need more than a first-aid kit. But hey, it’s a start.

**NOTE: We do not actually recommend using the Seal Stress Reliever to distract a shark. Nor do we actually condone the use of promotional items in life-threatening situations. But it was a cute idea, right?

You can never be too careful when it comes to sharks, so here are some additional tips to prevent a shark attack:

  • Don’t swim alone. Sharks are more likely to attack a lonely swimmer than a group.
  • Don’t wear flashy jewelry. It looks like fish scales. Sharks eat fish. Do you want to get eaten? Didn’t think so.
  • Don’t move too much. Erratic movements will attract a shark’s attention.
  • Don’t swim when it is dark. Sharks can see in the dark and you can’t. You do the math.
  • If a shark is gnawing on you, you can try to punch it in the nose or poke it in the eyes to throw off its senses and force it to release you. I know this is probably easier said than done, but it’s saved people before!

This year’s Shark Week may be coming to a close, but as 30 Rock’s Tracy Jordan says, “Live every week like it’s Shark Week.”

Which of these promotional products would you choose? What other advice to you have to avoid becoming shark bait? And most importantly, what is your favorite part about shark week?

Image credit to egarc2.


Jenna Markowski

Jenna has a much easier time writing about the media and pop culture than she does writing about herself. She enjoys the simple things in life, like puns and typography. She is an avid fan of pop-punk, Halo 3, Spider-Man and origami, with a slight Taco Bell obsession. Her spirit animal is either a bulldog or a panda bear. You can also connect with Jenna on Google+ and Twitter.

Comments

  1. JPorretto

    I never thought my golfer’s tan would lead to my demise…. but now I’m scared to go into the ocean. Soooo thanks for that.

    • Jenna

      I didn’t either until I was researching for this blog! Soooo you’re welcome!

    • Joseph Giorgi

      You should be scared to go into ANY body of water larger than a bathtub, as it will be infested with sharks.

      Guaranteed.

  2. amy

    Great post Jenna! I especially liked “Yep, the sharks are judging you.” I KNEW IT!! Seriously though, the tips at the end were really informative. I never knew sharks could see in the dark?! Craziness!

    • Jenna

      Thanks, Amy! Yeah, they have to be able to see in the dark in order to creep around in the depths of the ocean!

  3. Peemo

    #2

    That’s why I tan in the newwwwwwwd.

  4. Mandy Kilinskis

    I didn’t even realize that we sold goggles – those are cool! Besides saving you from sharks, those would be great for community swimming teams and/or park districts!

    Also, I really want that Seal Stress Reliever. He would be a great pet for Bubba.

    +54 points for the 30 Rock quote

    • Jenna

      I didn’t know we had goggles either! Definitely great for a summer promotion!

      The seal is so kewt, isn’t he?

      YES! RACKIN’ UP THE STREET CRED!

  5. Rachel

    I love that seal squeezie–I don’t think I’d have the heart to feed it to a shark! :(

    Thanks for all the “tips” (and the real tips, too)!

    • Jenna

      That would be sad…but I think if it came down to my life or a stress ball, I’d have to suck it up!

      You’re welcome! It was my pleasure! :)

  6. Jen

    What about Lasers? lol!

    • Jenna

      Haha, maybe the lasers will make the cut next year…

    • Amanda

      Thanks for the shout out Jen. That would be the best thing to keep on hand near the ocean. Lasers are sure the blind the sharks!!! lol =)

      Fun post Jenna.

  7. Joseph Giorgi

    I love that you pointed out how it’s probably NOT a good idea to use a stress reliever as a distraction for sharks. I got a kick out of that. :)

    My favorite tip here is definitely to “use goggles.” If I’m going to be swimming ANYWHERE, I want to be able to see the monsters that are no doubt lurking underneath the surface. Sharks don’t want us to know it, but they’re EVERYWHERE — oceans, rivers, lakes, swimming pools, etc.

    They’re out there. Waiting.

    And they’ll get us all.

    Mark my words.

    Awesome blog, Jenna! :D

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