Is the week of Christmas the best week of the year? Nope. How about Thanksgiving? Negative. Well of course it must be that week vacation in the Bahamas, right? Wrong again. IT’S SHARK WEEK! No question about it. A week full of evolutionary predator perfection featuring jaws that could crush cars, water full of chum, and sea lions that just never saw it coming simply cannot be topped in my book.
I’ve loved sharks since the first time I saw Jaws. As a kid I had shark posters on my wall, shark books on my nightstand, and shark teeth on my dresser. I was a bona-fide shark aficionado. And though my interest waned a bit as I got older, thanks to the Discovery Channel I still take one week a year to relive the zaniness and sharpen up my knowledge.
Sharks are amazing creatures that are as varied as the people we work with. Hey! That sounds like it’s time for comparison run down! Here’s how shark types relate to different employees in your workplace (click the link to read more about each shark):
Great White Shark – We’ll start with the most infamous shark of all. JAWS. The Great White is at the top of the oceanic food chain. Despite that it’s one of the largest sharks in the sea, it is also one of the stealthiest. Its grey top and white belly make it difficult to see whether from above or below, and it’s known to surprise hapless prey by rising like a missile from the depths and launching itself and its prey well out of the water. The bosses we all work for are the obvious choices for Great Whites. They see what they need, and they attack it. That’s how they got to be at the top in the first place. Plus, they’re incredibly stealthy and surprising when you’re trying to text during work hours, aren’t they?
Hammerhead Shark – Maybe the most unique looking shark in the sea, you would think this shark uses its head as some sort of weapon. But in fact, that odd-shaped head is a highly sophisticated sonar system. With overwhelming accuracy, the Hammerhead can seek out and eat fish and other prey that are hiding inches below the sea floor. You know that co-worker that just has a knack for finding that one thing that no one else could find just at the right time? That, my friend, is the Hammerhead of the work place.
Tiger Shark – Named for its striped appearance, it is by FAR the most aggressive shark. They will attack and eat almost anything — and I mean anything. License plates, basketballs, alarm clocks, that annoying fish that won’t stop talking during the movie, and just about everything else it makes eye contact with. This could easily be that person that takes on every single project they possibly can and attacks it full force. Or, it’s the one with the junk food stash in their desk (guilty).
We could go on for days with this, so here are a few quickies:
- Nurse Shark – Almost completely nocturnal. The night crew, of course!
- Thresher Shark – Has a long, whip-like tail used to stun prey. This would be the task master of your workplace.
- Blue Shark –The speed demon of the shark world. Maybe the co-worker that Alt+ Tabs psychotically fast.
- Wobbegong Shark – Just about the ugliest shark imaginable…. No comment.
If you weren’t convinced of my love for sharks yet, let me just say I didn’t have to look up a single fact to write this post (save for how to spell Wobbegong – I’m not a machine). And just doing so has brought back a lot of memories and has me more excited than ever for SHARK WEEK!
Did I leave your favorite shark off the list? Do you have any more shark-employee comparisons to add to the list? Use that comments section and add away!