Yippie Ki Yay Christmas
Last year, I got into an argument with my roommate. He stated that Die Hard was not a Christmas movie. I stated that Die Hard is not only a Christmas movie, but it is the Christmas movie that all other Christmas movies should aspire to emulate. He also likes to drink Green River, so take his argument for whatever that’s worth.
In any case, revisiting our debate recently along with that distance jingle of sleigh bells got me thinking about the requirements for a Christmas movie. After a highly scientific Google search, I came up with the following four requirements.
Requirements for Christmas movies
1.) Takes places on or leading up to Christmas – Die Hard takes place on Christmas Eve. And if you think about it, this whole debacle probably lasts past midnight, so it’s also on Christmas Day. The whole reason all those people are inside Nakatomi Towers is for a Christmas party. However, this is 1988; these days, it’d probably be called a Winter Celebration Gathering. Either way, snow or no snow (it is L.A.), the characters are together to drink booze and have sex on copy machines on December 24th. Criteria met.
2. Restores our faith in humanity – In a world full of money-hungry murders like Hans and his gang, it’s hard to stay optimistic. But Die Hard reminds us that there are John McClanes out there. McClane, an off-duty police officer who is in town to see his kids and repair his marriage, is given three choices: hide, escape, or fight back. He chooses to fight back against those terrorists and prove that there are heroes out there who look out for the little guy, even if that little guy has a stupid mustache and was just hitting on his wife. He literally walked over broken glass (probably could have used some of these) to save the lives of his wife and her coworkers. Criteria met.
3. Bring joy to the world – It’s a simple equation: World – terrorists = joy. You don’t even need to whip out a calculator to do it. Yeah, yeah, I get that the whole scheme was based on the idea that these guys were posing as terrorists (And who would forget Alan Rickman’s deadpan delivery of “I read about them in Time Magazine”?) to distract the feds, but the bottom line is that Gruber and company used fear and violence to get what they wanted. When all was said and done, those scumbags were wiped off the face of the earth. In a world where John McClane makes an example out of someone via choke chain, those who seek to achieve their goals in the same way are likely to consider going legit. Given enough movies, John McClane could theoretically achieve world peace. You heard it here, folks. Criteria met.
4. Heartwarming reunions – Who didn’t get a little weepy at the end? Come on, you know you went for the tissues when the McClanes were reunited, all tears and kissing and mushy crap. And if that didn’t get you choked up, then you were certainly moved when Holly laid out that jackass reporter that harassed her kids. Criteria freakin’ met.
I’ve made my case. What do you have to say? Do you plan to hunker down under a blanket, pop some popcorn, and settle in with the family for your annual Christmas viewing of Die Hard? Do you disagree? Sound off in the comments below.
Until next time, keep expanding your brand!