Branding Beat - Cut Through the Noise

23 More Ridiculous Spam Comments You Can’t Resist Reading

Back in April, I put together a post using 20 absolutely ridiculous spam comments intercepted by the Quality Logo Product Blog’s spam filters. Everyone seemed to enjoy it.

So, I continued to save the most bizarre, nonsensical, and downright awkward spam comments in hopes of a future sequel. That day has finally come, ladies and gents!

Below, you’ll find a random assortment of strange comments, which were likely all composed by robots and/or content spinners. Each one was directly copied and pasted from our comments section in all of its weird glory, and my commentary is featured below each spam comment. A word of warning: A couple of these contain a misspelling of “rss” (as in, RSS feed) that ends up looking like profanity. Hopefully no one’s offended.

Happy reading (and laughing)!


The “toe nail on the mind,” huh? That sounds painful.


Settle down with the exclamation points, buddy. Leave some for the rest of us! And what house do you speak of? This isn’t Westeros.


If there’s anyone whose opinion I trust on intelligence levels, it’s you. And who knows, maybe Girl Gaga would even approve.


You’ll carry on watching? Um…


I think you need a new content spinning program. Or, maybe you should just stop leaving fake comments.


You mean I finally sparked your imagining hat? Well, golly, I finally made it!


Don’t worry, the restraining order is already pending.


This one speaks for itself. I honestly have no words.


You may want to consult a doctor about that, my friend.


I’ve read this one a dozen times, and I still don’t know what it was supposed to say.


Hooray! The claw on my head is finally off. This calls for a celebration!


I think you mean “RSS.” But wait, even that makes no sense…


I’m sorry you’re so afraid of data, my super cool buddy.


Did you mistake this site for a blacksmith’s blog? What are these “various sharp things” you speak of?


This message seems to be intended for someone else…anyone have David Bowie’s email?


Quick, someone get Suzi out of the roll! Let’s start a Kickstarter!


Ugh, not this again. What is it with you “people” and dropping iPads off of buildings?


QLP Blog: The Dreamland. In your face, Santa!


Is that a threat?


Again, I think you meant “RSS.” But this is way funnier.


Cool story, bro.


If I ever discover you nosing around my internet site — personally or otherwise — I’m gonna freak out.


Wait, what happened to Sally? What do John and Grace have to do with her? And who broke his tooth? I’m so confused.

That’s all, folks! If you enjoyed reading this post, then please do let me know which spam comment you enjoyed the most. (I swear, none of those sentences were supposed to include rhymes. Who am I? Dr. Seuss?)

Which spam comments made you laugh the hardest? Do you have any translation attempts? Have you ever stolen someone’s iPad to drop it off a building for the sake of YouTube views? Let me know below!

Image credit to Thomas Hawk.


Bubba is the Quality Logo Products mascot. He may have started out as "just a stress ball," but he's come a long way since the company's launch in 2003. Bubba has been immortalized in numerous vector artwork designs for internal and external promotions, and you can see him change outfits on the Quality Logo Products homepage whenever a holiday rolls around. Oh, and he thinks pants are for the birds. You can connect with Bubba on


  1. Eric

    “Preserve it up!”

    Git yerself some biscuits, there, an’ y’all got yourself a meal!

    Sound advice.

    I’m not argue that!

  2. Wash

    Perhaps Girl Gaga can help the cats and kittens manage that garage door opener (in a can)?

    Also, don’t most of us have standard people inside of them? (Metaphorically, not literally.)

  3. Kat

    Believe it or not……I’ve had customers write me in this apparent new language as shown above. Like my customer’s emails, I couldn’t decipher a single comment listed here. Except maybe #18…I like Santa…..

  4. Scooby

    Something tells me these people would “suck” at Mad Libs. Hey, now that I mentioned it….

    One night I was on ______ and ________ Jay Hoffman. It brought me _______ when I found out that Jay had a _________! I could not believe his ________ was that _______. I felt _____ for him that I ______ all day long. Figures he ______ Obama.

    Love _______ Wenger.

    • Sneedster

      One night I was on helium and punched Jay Hoffman. It brought me sadness when I found out that Jay had a weiner dog! I could not believe his weiner dog was that short. I felt so bad for him that I cried all day long. Figures, he loves Obama.

      Love Mike Wenger. =)

  5. Mikey

    Okay, that’s just hilarious. And wow, just …wow, that is some fine mangling of the English language. It’s kinda funny how many of these came across as creepy and threatening. Ones that I liked the most? Well, I’m glad the person in #6 believes that thinking is an “enchanting component,” and I totally want an “imagining hat” of my own! Also, I thank the person from #8 for informing me that I have gentlemen! I never knew! And that I shouldn’t use my pet at the same time as fire-arms; good advice, that. I’m kind of afraid of the person from #15, since they were “enlightened” by a movie about kidnapping children and wearing pants that are far too tight. And finally, I think #23 would actually work perfectly as the insane rambling of a background character in a horror story. This was definitely a hilarious read! Thanks for the fun blog post.

    • Amanda

      Seriously!!! This crack me up! I am so glad you guys save these for us to read. Made my day. =)

      • Amanda

        LOL *These crack me up!

  6. Kat

    @ ______ Wenger:

    I think you have a _____ idea….”QLP Mad Libs”. And I think _____ just volunteered _____ to write them all!

    • Amanda

      QLP Mad Libs would be so funny!!! hahahaha

  7. Myrtle

    1) Television
    2) Farted on
    3) Joy and sadness
    4) Affinity for being farted on
    5) Sense of smell
    6) On point
    7) So proud
    8) Farted in his face
    9) Owes $10 to
    10) Mad Man

  8. keith

    This left me speechless. Unbelievebale. I do love the David Bowie-Labyrinth reference!

  9. Jason Brown

    Number 23 had me in stitches!!!! I so want to use it or parts of it as a tweet or status update to mess with people. Sadly one person attempted to state they bookmark so they could come back and enjoy reading. Please let me know if you have an ass so I can subscribe too!!! I guess I need to start reading my spam comments prior to deleting them.

  10. Cybernetic SAM

    WOW! I have not laughed this hard in a long time I think #8 is my favorite; “Kittens and Cats can manage a can garage door opener hardware right now” and the bit about using your pet as a firearm! All I have to say is, these blog words can manage to grab me after it absorbed. Had laugh in face of website.Thanks today for giving such happy face to body.

    • Jeff Porretto

      Took the words right out of my mouth…

  11. Mandy Kilinskis

    Man, grasping our asses? I didn’t know the spam comments had gotten so handsy. I wonder if they are the same people who throw iPads off buildings just for YouTube views.

    good blog admin it was well posted on the web maintain up well job!

  12. Rachel

    I feel like #23 could read like a poem if you add in a few line breaks, haha. And #18 makes me laugh because I’d totally take that as a real compliment. Heck yeah, QLP blog is the dreamland! New slogan, everybody!

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