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5 Types of Social Network Vampires: Which One Are You?

If you’re a living, breathing, human being, then you’re probably familiar with the concept of social networking. If you’re an active social networker, then you already know how physically and emotionally draining it can be. And if you’re a true social network enthusiast, then you probably feel less like a living person altogether and more like some strange creature of the night; one whose unquenchable thirst for human interaction simply cannot be satisfied.

There’s no escaping it: social networks have a way of making vampires out of even the most innocent web users. Seeing as how there’s no sense in attempting to overcome the affliction, your best course of action is to better understand the type of vampire you actually are. That way, you can at least take the first step in coming to terms with your identity as a nocturnal web denizen.

Want to find out which type of social network vampire you are? Well, which of the following networks do you spend the most time with?

1) Facebook

If the majority of your nightly hours are spent on Facebook, then you, my friend, are the Nosferatu of social media. You’re an icon; a chieftain among vampires and social networkers alike. This is largely because your network of choice is the golden standard upon which all others are judged. Sure, most of your vampire brethren are using the same platform, but you can rest comfortably knowing that your user base knows no bounds. With 700,000,000 estimated unique visitors a month, Facebook’s legacy is ensured, as is the undying legacy of Nosferatu.

2) Twitter

Twitter is a streamlined reiteration of the best that social networking has to offer. It’s both palatable and likeable for modern web users. It may not have been the first social network out there, but it’s a key player, and that’s putting it lightly. If you’re a Twitter user, you’re like Dracula himself – a force to be reckoned with. Though he was the second vampire to grace the world of film (Nosferatu was the first), Dracula’s success remains indisputable. Being the more marketable of the two vamps, he resonated with larger audiences. Twitter may be second to Facebook in the networking world, but it looks like it’ll be around long enough to catch up.

3) LinkedIn

Created with professionalism and distinction in mind, LinkedIn is a true “southern gentleman” among networking destinations. If Bill Compton (the main vamp of the HBO series True Blood) spent more time online, he’d be spending it at LinkedIn. Discouraging the endless banter that typifies many other networks, LinkedIn is for those who want a more distinguished, no-nonsense type of social networking experience.

4) Google+

It’s the newest player on the social scene but it’s already hogging the headlines. Google+ is on the fast track to becoming a veritable internet sensation, generating a lot of buzz in the process. Of course, as promising as this network may be, it’s still in its earliest stages, and it’s got a long way to go before it reaches the top. Those using Google+ aren’t really vampires per se; they’re more like vampires in training, a la Count von Count (from Sesame Street). Early adopters of the platform are still trying to pinpoint its strengths and weaknesses, basically just learning as they go.

5) MySpace

Few would argue that MySpace would be the network of choice for Edward Cullen (of Twilight), and if you’re a MySpace user, you’re probably proud of that. You’re likely under the impression that vampirism is about fashion trends, love triangles, and sparkling when exposed to direct sunlight. You know what? That’s okay! We were all young once. I suppose you’ll grow out of it eventually. Of course, if you’re above the age of 18 and still use MySpace, you deserve this comparison.

Networking with the best of the best means pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into your online interactions on an almost nightly basis, and there are now millions of people who feel compelled – as if by supernatural forces – to do so. There’s certainly no shame in being a savvy social networker, even though it may feel at times like your thirst for human connection is turning you into a digital bloodsucker. Again, knowing exactly which type of bloodsucker you are will go a long way in helping you come to terms with it.

So, which type of social network vampire are you?

Images by: Ezyan Y., www.ficg, Marxcivist, and gracewells533


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  1. Mandy Kilinskis

    First of all, your section on MySpace was hilariously accurate and I was cracking up in my cubicle.

    Second of all, I use Twitter the most so I guess I’m Dracula. But is there an option where I’m not a vampire? I’m like, so totally Team Jacob. Like, ohmigod…

    • Joseph Giorgi

      Unfortunately, there’s no non-vampire option here. Perhaps I’ll do a werewolf-themed post next. 😉

      • Mandy Kilinskis

        No rush. I consistently feel like the only American disenchanted with both vampires and werewolves.

        • Jill Tooley

          I blame Edward Cullen. And that shirtless guy who can’t act.

          • Chrystani

            Who needs to act when you can just go around shirtless and all muscley and whatnot ;p

        • Amanda

          Nah, I’m with you Mandy. I don’t have much interest in either.

  2. Juliette

    I think I’m a Dracula. Which doesn’t bother me at all. 🙂 And amusingly enough, there are (or were, last time I checked) many sparkling profiles on Myspace.

    I’m always amazed when I get an email notification from Myspace telling me someone sent me a message or an invite. Then I hit the delete button.

    • Joseph Giorgi

      Nothing wrong with being a “Dracula.” That’s for sure. 🙂

      Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me to hear about the “sparkling profiles” on MySpace.

      I get those email notifications as well. I’ve actually tried to delete my MySpace account on several occasions, but to no avail. No joke — they apparently won’t LET me delete it. My coworkers suggest that I flag the page and force MySpace to take it down. It just irks me that it’s come to that.

  3. Cybernetic SAM

    Kind of funny you posted this blog today, because this was in today’s news! hahaha!

    • Amanda

      Thanks for posting Sam! This is a really interesting news story. So weird how they both came out today.

    • Joseph Giorgi

      You see?! Look what Twilight is doing to America’s youngsters! 😛

  4. amy

    Just call me “Nosferatu” 🙂 I’m a total FB creeper LOL. Awesome post Joe, this is my favorite one! I loved your Google+ description, spot on!! It’s still learning, but hopefully they’ll enjoy a success like his/her social media cronies.

    • Cybernetic SAM

      I agree Nosferatu all the way, not to mention the most iconic/bad-ass vampire of all time!

      • Amanda

        Agreed! Facebook is the only social media platform I use, and I love it. =)
        And yes–Nosferatu all the way!

        Super cool blog post Joe!

      • amy

        Sweet, good to know we’ve got that going for us 🙂

    • Joseph Giorgi

      “FB creeper”

      Too perfect! Nosferatu was quite the “creeper” as well.

  5. Peemo

    Twitter is the only social networking I get down with.

    140 characters. Straight and to the point.

    Plus it’s cool to follow celebs and comedians. They keep a brother entertained and connected.

    • Joseph Giorgi

      I’m not a Twitter user, but I get where you’re coming from. It’s amazing how much information a person can fit into 140 characters when they try. Heck, most people don’t have anything worth saying BEYOND 140 characters anyway.

      • Ness

        I really like using Twitter to follow celebrities, etc., but I don’t really use it as social networking platform… I have a private account and only about five people follow me. :/

  6. Jill Tooley

    Joe, this post is marvelicious (you guessed it – a combo of marvelous and delicious). Love it! I’m definitely either #1 or #3 – LinkedIn is slowly but surely becoming one of my favorite sites. It really is a no-nonsense approach to social networking and there’s a lot less clutter than other sites…at least for now.

    Good call on the Google+/Count von Count comparison! I’d say you nailed that one. The term “vampire in training” is perfect!

    So, which one are you?

    • Joseph Giorgi


      I toyed with the idea of using The Count to represent MySpace (playing on the whole “childishness” of it and whatnot), but decided that Edward Cullen was a much better fit.

      I’d say that I’m definitely a “Nosferatu” at this point, though that’s subject to change if I get an invite to Google+. 🙂

      • Jill Tooley

        You’re welcome! Oh, and I think you might be the only content team member sans a G+ account – for some reason I thought you had already signed up. I can hook you up with that no problem! 🙂

  7. Lauren G.

    This post is awesome. Where’s the Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise vampire reference? One of the few Tom Cruise movies I care for, ‘Interview with a Vampire.’ I loved vampire movies…til that Twilight sh…it’s just not for me. 🙂 I’d have to say though, picking just one is hard. I’m not a Twitter user. I should be though, I feel as if I social network all day. The bank I work for is growing and I use Facebook or Linkedin to promote things at the bank on occasion. Or I post blogs from QLP 🙂 plus more! I do this to help friends, co-workers, etc with their businesses or whatever they want to share. I’m all about social networking not just about myself or my work, but supporting things I support in general.

    Linkedin is definitely evolving these days. I love it! Same with Facebook, but there’s always something new up. But, I totally agree with Jill. Linkedin is slowly one of my favorite sites. I am a little bit a creeper on both sites, but I like to keep up with everyone and everything that’s going on. So, if that makes me a creeper, I will keep creeping away. 🙂

    • Joseph Giorgi

      I was wondering whether someone would mention the “Tom Cruise vampire” in the comments. I honestly wanted to include “Lestat” in this list somewhere, but I couldn’t find any usable pictures of him online.

      Thanks for being a QLP blog enthusiast! We always appreciate the support. 😀 And don’t worry — there’s nothing wrong with spending the whole day networking. We all need our social fix nowadays.

      You just keep on creeping, Lauren. 😉

  8. JPorretto

    I may be in the minority, but I hardly use any Social Networking whatsoever. Yeah, I have a facebook account, but its basically only so the wife can have a SECOND farmville =\

    It’s just not my cup of tea… Is there a vampire for that?

    P.S. ONE! HAA Haa ha. TWO! HAA Haa ha.

  9. LK

    I guess I’d probably have to be Nosferatu. Bill Compton and Dracula come in close second though.

    Great comparisons and great post!

    • Joseph Giorgi

      Congrats! Nosferatu is Grade A vampy coolness!

  10. Jen

    I love the Myspace comparison to Edward Cullen! It’s funny because it’s so true, Myspace is all about appearances just like the sparkly good-for-nothing vampires in Twilight.

    I have been a Nosferatu type vampire for quite some time now. I try not to use Facebook all the time, but I have been known to get really sucked into creeping on pictures. Time flies when you’re alone looking at someone else’s memories. It’s a little disturbing if you think about it.

    Great post Joe – very entertaining!

    • Joseph Giorgi

      “…sparkly good-for-nothing vampires…”

      That’s not entirely true. They’re pretty good at being emo for two hours onscreen. 😉

  11. Kyle

    That’s a priceless description of MySpace, Joe. I hope sparkling vampires go out of style much like the neglected social network site.

    I suppose I’m a “Nosferatu”. I would’ve never thought to relate my Facebook usage to being a blood-sucking hunter of the night. Great, original post!

    • Joseph Giorgi

      Thanks! Yeah, seldom do we realize how akin we are to vamps. But if you’re going to be a creature of the night, it may as well be the original!

  12. Amanda

    Ok, so, I just joined Twitter. It’s pretty cool so far–just have to get the hang of it. I’m now 1/4 Dracula and still 3/4 Nosferatu. It’s progress, right?

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