5 Wedding Favors for Child-Free Receptions
Congratulations on your engagement!
You can live happily ever after… as soon as you finish planning the biggest event in your entire life that not only requires huge financial investment but also pressure from every side of your family and friend circles and no, babe, we CANNOT have a Mutant Ninja Turtles cake or have our first dance as a wedded couple be to ANYTHING from Top Gun, and yes, my aunt Helen will be there even if it you’re uncomfortable with her lazy eye. And no beer bongs.
On top of all the pressures of coordinating the events for that blissful day, you always want to send your guests home with something memorable – and not just memories of the best man getting wasted and trying to proposition a chair.
If you search “wedding favors” on Google, you wind up with 10,700,000 results. Slightly overwhelming, right? Luckily, there are as many different kinds of brides as there are Google search results, so we’re narrowing things down a bit for you.
For the couple that’s having a childfree wedding, congratulations! You’ve just saved yourself the bubbling, murderous rage that comes with having a baby scream through your vows and yank on the bride’s train because it’s “so pretty.” Granted, you’ve probably also pissed off 26% percent of your family, because now they need to pay a babysitter, but that if that is a cross you must bear, so be it.
The best way to distract yourself from that pain? Indulge in your favorite adult vices!
Apparently “Screw ‘n Drink” was already taken.
Host ‘n Toast Wine Opener
The customized Host ‘n Toast Wine Opener includes a corkscrew, bottle-opener, and a 1-3/4” cutting blade for removing foil. Personalize each one with you and your hubby’s names and wedding date for nice reminder of the big day. Your wedding guests will love it, and they might even forgive you for not springing for an open bar.
Windproof? I’d settle for Burn-My-Own-Hand Proof.
Zippo Windproof Lighter
Whether you’re partaking in a smooth cigar out behind the reception hall or want to set off fireworks because hey, you just got freakin’ married, the personalized Zippo Windproof Lighter is the way to go. You already know about Zippo’s amazing quality lighters, but now you can add a special note about your wedding day on the side: proving that love’s flame burns forever.
Or, as I like to call it, the pop-glug-burp-ilator.
The custom Beverage Pro is not for amateurs. This personalized beer bottle and pop top opener has been around the block. By learning a little something about versatility (opening beer bottles and can tabs) and comfort (the finger-friendly rubber grip), your boozin’ experience will be as streamlined as the path from the bottom of the keg to the bottom of your belly.
Translucent red – the color of love
After hours of being a dancing fiend, the customized Health Massager is a fantastic way to relieve sore feet. Strenuous YMCA positions may also put your shoulders and back in knots – the personalized massager to the rescue! The electric slide also claims more lives every year than that liberal mainstream media would like for you to know, so protect yourself from achiness (not related to hangovers) with the custom Beverage Pro.
You tried so hard not to turn into your father that you turned into your grandfather.
Stainless Steel Flask
Remember that painful decision about not letting your guests have an open bar? Yeah, yeah, we know it meant the difference between having 100 drunk friends and 175 kind of drunk friends, but you had to do it. You can start making it up to guests by offering the customized Stainless Steel Flask. The 4 oz version lets your guests make that coffee at the end of the reception a little more Irish and sends them to sleep with minimal noise complaints from the other hotel guests.
What do you think of these favors for a childfree wedding? Anything else you’d have around when the little ones are tucked safely away? Do you have a childfree wedding horror story? Did a family member throw a fit? Did a defiant mom sneak her toddler in like a Chihuahua in a handbag? Sound off in the comments below!
Until next time, keep expanding your brand!