Must-Have Promotional Products for a Zombie Apocalypse
I know, I know…high-tech weaponry would be far more effective than promotional items in an epic zombie battle. But what do you do when you’re without access to semi-automatic weapons, katanas, or chainsaws? You never know when the zombie apocalypse will be upon us, and you’ll want to be prepared no matter what. If an outbreak struck right now, then I’d definitely grab the following promo items from my inventory and psych myself out for success.
This 32 oz. sports bottle with carabiner is as sturdy as they come. It has a screw-top cap so you don’t leave a trail for zombies to follow, and the following items are included with the bottle: a flashlight with strap (batteries included), emergency rescue blanket, an emergency poncho, a whistle, a compass, and a mini mirror. All it’s missing is a compact first aid kit inside that waterproof container, which you could purchase separately. If I were to get stranded in zombie-land with only a pair of promo items, then I’d hope for these!
The Lewiston Multi Tool:
The Lewiston Multi Tool
I probably wouldn’t have the space for a full-size tool kit, but I’d definitely have room for the Lewiston Multi Tool. This handy, stainless-steel promotional product is a large hammer, a pair of pliers, a file, a bottle opener, a Phillips screwdriver, a flat head screwdriver, a knife, AND a saw…all in one! I could build a fort, open a cold one, and defend myself with this. I normally wouldn’t condone violence, but I’d make an exception if reanimated corpses were after my brains!
Backpack Cooler Bag:
Backpack Cooler Bag
I thought long and hard about the backpack or bag that I’d want with me during a zombie apocalypse, and the Backpack Cooler Bag won over dozens of others. Why? Because it’s lightweight, it has tons of storage space, and the main compartment is made of mesh (I’d be able to see if any zombie babies or squirrels jumped in there when my back was turned). I could put all of my survival necessities in this bag and still be swift enough to escape on foot.
Mozart Weekly Desk Diary:
Mozart Weekly Desk Diary
You may scoff at this one, but I feel that a daily diary would be a requirement in a crisis. Because this sleek desk pad has ample room for each day of the week, I’d be able to document my successes, failures, and discoveries as they happened. Then I could easily refer back to the day when the zombie outbreak began and I’d always know the date. And who knows – maybe the undead would perish after a certain number of days like in the movies…then I’d know when it was safe to emerge.
Zippo Windproof Lighter:
Zippo Windproof Lighter
I was never a girl scout, so I’m probably not going to build a roaring fire from two sticks. Furthermore, if I need to defend myself with fire when flesh-rotting fiends are chasing me around town, then I’m not going to waste my time with matches! That’s why I’d need this solid brass Zippo lighter – it has a windproof chimney to help me light fires even if the weather is a bit disagreeable.
Splatter Brain in a Dish Stress Ball:
Splatter Brain in a Dish Stress Ball
Why in the name of Thor would I need a stress ball in the midst of an infectious outbreak? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d be pretty stressed out in a situation like that! Besides, this extra-squishy stress reliever is so close to the real thing that it might even fool those undead bastards. When in doubt, just throw your splatter brain stress reliever and RUN LIKE HELL!
I didn’t bother listing bulky first aid kits or heavy metal flashlights because they take up too much precious space. If I needed extensive first aid, then I’d find my way to the nearest hospital or drugstore ASAP. Plus, I’d stand out too much if I marched around with a gigantic flashlight (zombies don’t use them, in case you hadn’t noticed…so I’d have to be discreet with my illumination sources).
I’m the first to admit that I wouldn’t last long in a zombie apocalypse (I have weak arms…like a T-Rex), but I think I could hold out longer if I had the right tools. Are there any promotional items that you would have included on this list? Do you have any undead survival tips?
Disclaimer: We do not advocate the use of promotional products for violence. This blog post is intended for humor only.