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Which Planet Are You and What Does That Say About Your Consumer Type?

Have you ever thought about the diversity of our solar system? How about the diversity of your customer base? While I was soaking in the knowledge from a recent episode of The Universe on The History Channel, I got to thinking about how diverse the planets are and how closely some of them can mirror customer types. Although it’s not an exact science, this little exercise will get you thinking!

Take a gander and find out which planet or celestial body best represents you (or someone you know) as a customer:

Mercury – This is the closest planet to the Sun in our solar system. It is small, so it has little gravity, and it can’t hold an atmosphere like other terrestrial planets. You might recognize a Mercury consumer as one who is always attracted to what’s hot but whose interest fades away quickly.

Venus – Ever stand next to someone in a register line who gets so hot under the skin by the wait that they seem on the verge of self-destruction? That would be your standard Venus shopper. Venus is the hottest planet (at around 900 degrees Fahrenheit!) because of its suffocating, dense atmosphere.

Earth – We all know about this planet. It’s the most diverse and successful, but it is burning through its resources faster than it can get them. It’s a good thing that Earth doesn’t have a credit card! Then we’d be in REAL trouble. After all, we wouldn’t want to have to owe that angry Venus anything…

Mars – It’s possible that the “red planet” was much like Earth in the past (including the presence of running water and possible plant life). However, Mars apparently got approved for more credit than it could handle and has already used up all its resources. Now, it’s just flat-out broke and empty.

Jupiter – This giant is the protector of our solar system. Jupiter is 97% of the mass of the whole solar system other than the sun. That means it’s the big shot…just like the most popular customer of the bunch. It has so much gravity that it attracts tons of followers (moons and dust particles) and gets a lot of attention. Unselfishly, it keeps harm (asteroids) away from us by attracting them to itself.

Saturn – Not surprisingly, this ringed planet is by far the most fashionable. It has the nicest rings and accessories by a mile over the next closest of its neighbors. Everyone “oohs and ahhs” at its appearance, and it impresses without even trying. A Saturn consumer has good taste and will only purchase the best of the best!

Uranus –It’s believed that Uranus had a major catastrophe and was struck by another planet-sized object that knocked it on its side. As a result, it actually rotates perpendicular to the other planets. Uranus’ world was turned upside down, but it’s still hanging in there (and even has a nice ring to show off). Uranus customers are survivors who always find a way to bounce back.

Neptune – Well, to be honest, this planet doesn’t do much. It sits on the outer edges of the group and seems perfectly content to just watch others snatch up all the interesting stuff. You might find passive or indecisive consumers in the Neptune category.

Pluto (Bonus) – Now demoted to a dwarf planet, Pluto is exiled. Customers in this category are often left on the outside, looking in and wishing they had everything back.

Asteroid Belt (Bonus) – The asteroid belt never could quite get it together. Once upon a time, it wanted to be a planet but failed miserably. Now it’s just bitter and angry and just hits others with its asteroids whenever it feels like. This is similar to the bad-luck consumer who didn’t get to be a part of the group and now spends his/her time trying to get back at everyone else.

You have to admit, there are some fun parallels between consumers and celestial entities. Perhaps you’ve never thought about it, but maybe you should! We live with a vast variety of other people in a vast world (within a vast universe), so the possibilities are actually endless!

If you’ve ever seen a late-night show about the universe and just couldn’t go to sleep until it ended (no matter how late), then we definitely have something in common. Which astronomical object can you identify with the most? Are you also addicted to The Universe on the History Channel? Let’s talk about space and customer behavior!


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  1. Chase

    Can I be Planet X? The planet that no one knows if it is there or not… HAHA JK. Great article!

    • JPorretto

      Thanks Man!

      Planet X is now Planet Chase. It’s official.

  2. Peemo

    I prefer “Through the Wormhole” because it’s narrated by my grandpa, Morgan Freeman.

    • JPorretto

      Another excellent show….

      Actually there aren’t too many BAD shows about space. Space just rules =)

  3. Amanda Sneed

    Neat blog Jeff! We love all the shows about the planets at our house too. =)

    I think Uranus is the most interesting…..and is a great example for people. We all make mistakes and get off track sometimes, but as long as we can pull it back together and continue moving forward, we’re still on the right track! Way to show us how to live Uranus!!

  4. Jill Tooley

    You know how I feel about “The Universe”….one of these days I’m going to run out of episodes to watch and then I’ll have to find an equally-good space fix! Once I start one episode, I can’t stop. 🙂

    I’d have to say I’m a cross between Uranus and Venus (you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry, especially in a retail line!), and I’m trying very hard not to end up like Mars. Let’s hope that I continue to bounce back from any financial mishaps that may occur, otherwise I could exhaust my resources way too early.

    I’m so happy you wrote this post. Very well done and everything makes perfect sense. It fills me with such joy to find another “Universe” nerd! 😀

    • JPorretto

      If you were looking for another Universe nerd, you hit the Jackpot!

      I’d say I also have a touch of Venus to me, and probably some Neptune/ Uranus as well. Hell, I could be any of them on any given day…

      • Amanda Sneed

        Andrew & I are also part of your Universe Nerd club….it’s interesting stuff! I love how the Universe is so huge, we can’t even wrap our minds around it…..makes all of our earthly problems seem so small!

  5. Vern-Matic

    I would have made the joke that I am the planet King Geedorah was from but Chase already made that joke. So I will just say that I am Neptune, not indecisive just passive against fads. Kick ass blog Jeff

  6. Juliette

    You mentioned Pluto!! I’m still sad that it got demoted. 🙁

    Definitely a wonderful post for a Friday. It had me grinning the whole time. I think I’m mainly a Venus/Uranus with a touch of Pluto.

    • LK

      I agree this is definitely a great Friday post!! 🙂

      • JPorretto

        You know I wrote Saturn with you as inspiration right? =)

  7. JPorretto

    Thanks Juliette! It had me grinning the whole time I WROTE it! =)

  8. LGroce

    I would say that I’m a cross between Neptune and Venus. Neptune, only because when I need to buy something actually important I can never make up my mind and take forever to come to a decision. I also have a bit of Venus in me. Last night I was buying about 6 things at Aldi and had to wait like 20 minutes to check out because two moms were in front of me. Clearly I was not happy. Where’s the 20 items or less register?

    • Amanda Sneed

      Agreed! That is one of the only things I dislike about Aldi’s….it’s not the place to go to only buy a couple items…always takes forever.

  9. Bret Bonnet

    What kind of a loser watches the History Channel at night; especially when there are other QUALITY TV shows to be watched like Jersey Shore or Teen Mom?!?!? 🙂

    Which planet did the aliens from the movie “Aliens” land on? My vote is for THAT planet.

    Seriously though… very interesting. I’m just glad that Jupiter is our friend. Just goes to show you… even BIG planets need loving! 🙂

    • Joseph Giorgi

      LB-426 is the planet from “Aliens” that you’re thinking of.

      Yes, I realize how sad it is that I know that.

  10. Joseph Giorgi

    Amazing post! One of your best, in my opinion. 🙂 I really need to watch more of “The Universe”—I feel like I should know these facts about our solar system.

    I definitely tend to be more of a “Mercury-type” shopper these days, as my infatuation and subsequent loss of interest in the 3DS has proven. But, I’d like to think that the fact that I opted for a 360 instead shows that I’m ultimately a sensible “Earth-type” shopper.

    • JPorretto

      Thanks Joe! I’m not sure if it’s awesome or sad that I pretty much didn’t have to look anything up to write this =]

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