Hello, my name is Ewa-Smoonu, and the personalized Alien Stress Ball race comes in peace. We are a gentle species that wishes only to promote your brand to the universe at large.

The custom Alien Stress Ball race offers advanced technology that allows you to effectively tattoo each one of us with your choice of imprint. Perhaps you would like your phone number or logo across our chests. We live to serve, and the customized Alien Stress Ball looks forward to working peacefully with your species.

To make our assimilation into Earthling society easier, we've allowed one of our kind to be tested by your Promotional Products Scientists at Quality Logo Products^®, with stunning results:

• Our bodies are easier to squeeze than our heads. However, pressing on our heads and then releasing us can cause us to shoot across the room, which some humans seem to find amusing.
• We have a bipedal (i.e. two-footed) design that allows us to stand steadily on flat surfaces, despite your persistent Earth gravity.
• We do not tear or crease easily.

So go ahead and click the button to order samples of the promotional Alien Stress Ball. We'd hate to have to destroy your planet with lasers.