Q: State your identity for the court, please.
A: I'm a savvy business owner, ma'am.

Q: And is that what it says on your official ID or birth certificate?
A: No, ma'am. It's what I say to the world whenever I give away the promotional Legal Clipboard with Jumbo Clip from Quality Logo Products®.

Q: Well, that's what truly matters. Can you tell the court more about this promotional clipboard of yours?
A: I sure can. I can even list all of its good points:

• It features my logo right on the jumbo-sized clip up top, which measures five and a half inches wide.
• It can hold a standard-sized fourteen inch-long legal pad, but if you use it with a regular eight and a half by eleven inch pad of paper, you'll see an extra two inches of imprint space at the bottom.
• Oh, yeah, you can also have a custom design printed on the backing board for an extra charge.
• And this clipboard is made in the good ol' US of A, too.

Q: That's all very nice. Now tell me, do you know the defendant?
A: I sure do. He gave away a clipboard just like my Legal Clipboard with Jumbo Clip. Except that he's guilty.

Q: Guilty? Of what?
A: Of not calling Quality Logo Products® to get it for the guaranteed lowest price!

Q: I see. No further questions, your honor.